Light the world...please

I thought this post would be about Light the World and the giving machines. It is not. It is about what happened when we went to the giving machines and it makes me sick to tell this story. 

For the last month we talked as a family about various ways we could help people through the giving machines. We encouraged the children to spend part of their money to help others. They took it very seriously and researched each cause and were excited to purchase needed items. 

We had been standing at the giving machines for two minutes when Steve and I heard screaming down the hall. We looked at each other and I asked "Safe?" He had a better view of what was happening and after looking down the hallway, he looked at me, shrugged, and returned his focus to the machine. Within 30 seconds a man who was either having a mental health crisis, was on drugs, or a combination of both, came charging down the hall screaming obscenities. Up until now he was moving quickly but as he came behind us, he stopped. He stood about 15-20 ft behind us and screamed:

F***  YOU N*****!!!!!!! 

He was screaming at my black babies. 

My initial thought, beyond the shock, was he would continue walking since that is what we had witnessed him do moments earlier, but he did not. He screamed F*** YOU N*****!!!!!!! about six times, becoming increasingly agitated, before I realized he was not going anywhere. 

At this point I wrapped my arm around J, grabbed C's hand and pushed M, D, and Steve ahead of me. My only thought was to get them to safety. Thankfully the man experiencing a psychotic event did not follow us. We ducked into a store and I asked the cashier to call security which she did immediately. Eventually security responded but the man was gone. While we waited for security I debriefed with Steve and the kids and told them that what had just happened was wrong and scary and that I'm sorry they had just experienced that. I instructed them that when they are confronted with those situations in the future, to get to safety and call for help. 

When we returned to the giving machine 20 minutes later the same 10 people who witnessed what had happened were still there. Not one of them approached us or made eye contact. They all stared at the ground and pretended that what had just happened, hadn't. We made the purchases we planned. Our hearts were not in it. We left.

More concerning to me than being screamed at by a deranged person was the fact that those with full mental capacity did not stand in solidarity with my children. 

I was reminded of several things today.

1. Always protect children.

2. This is my children's reality. No amount of wishing it was not so will change it.

3. Racism is rampant in all its ugly forms no matter who tells you it isn't.

4. Show solidarity. When we see racism, it is not always safe to intervene, but it is always appropriate and completely necessary to follow up with the targeted individual(s) and validate that it is not okay to be treated that way.

Racism is alive and well today because we as a society do not stand up and say no. It has to stop. Racism continues because of the silent white majority. The truth is our culture will never change without white people listening to black and brown people and committing to do things differently than the generations before us. We must stand together. We have to see one another. If we do not, hate grows, festers, and corrodes our very humanity. It is not enough to say we are not racist. We must actively, openly teach against it and take ownership to solve a very real problem. That can seem very overwhelming especially when we do not feel we are contributing to the problem. But sometimes all that is needed to stand up against racism is to look someone in the eyes, believe the story they tell you, and say I am sorry that happened. It is not okay. 

*****

A word about the difference in Steve's response and mine when confronted with a volatile person. I am highly trained in de-escalation techniques and engaging with those dealing with mental illness and drug use. I would normally try to diffuse the situation and draw someone toward me so others can get to safety, but usually when I am in a situation where people are screaming, my family is nowhere near and they are certainly not the target. They are safe at home and I only have to worry about my safety. 

My view of risk is different than Steve's because I am a woman, a social worker, and a very protective mother to marginalized children. Steve's response is directly related to his privilege as a white man and the reality is, while he would absolutely protect us if needed, he is not a target of hate, derision, indifference, condescension and did not recognize that the situation portended violence. Neither response was wrong or bad; simply indicative of the differences of our lived experience.