Rough night

I am waking up every night to pump and have been calling to check on C since I'm up. Last night's call was gut wrenching. When the nurse answered I could hear C screaming in the background. I asked what was happening and she explained that he just wanted to be held, but she was so busy with her other patient that she could not give him the time so he was just crying it out in bassinet. She told me not to worry about it, he was fine, and to go back to sleep. I felt so powerless. If he was home I would be rocking him to sleep in the dark, maybe humming a hymn, rubbing his back, telling him how much I love him, but instead my baby is screaming, alone in a hospital and I am laying next to my slumbering husband, haunted by my baby's screams, crying myself to sleep.

I could not get to him soon enough today.

Placing him in his bassinet and walking away is only getting harder.