Today was a very long day without Steve. The kids were wonderful, but I am exhausted. A friend whose child was at Primary's for several weeks called to tell me about a playroom where siblings can play and the Ronald McDonald House Family Room where I can get free food. This sounded like a dream come true. Our visits are so short with C already that I have not been eating while at the hospital because I did not want to take time away from him. Standing in a cafeteria line is a waste of time; plus food is not allowed in the NICU. Instead I have been grabbing peanuts from the vending machine and willing myself not to pass out from hunger.
Armed with this new information we headed to the hospital as a family after Steve got home. The kids all visited C and then headed to the playroom with Dad while I got to snuggle with the baby. Steve reported that the kids had a blast and loved every second of playtime instead of them squeezing around the iPad and watching a movie in a noisy hallway. I loved that they were playing and that they were nearby. I felt a lot less guilty.
After tucking in and kissing C goodnight, I met them in the Ronald McDonald House Family Room for a tour. That place is amazing. When we got to the kitchen I saw a bunch of bananas on the counter which is the food I have been craving for days. They told us we could eat anything and use this room just like an extension of our own home. As soon as we got registered, I went back into the kitchen, grabbed a banana and cried while I ate it. We learned that all the food is donated and I said a sincere, heartfelt prayer gratitude for the person who brought bananas that day. It is what I needed and I decided that once we get through this horrible experience, I want to pay this forward. Who knew a banana would give me my first long-term, goal-oriented thought in weeks.
Armed with this new information we headed to the hospital as a family after Steve got home. The kids all visited C and then headed to the playroom with Dad while I got to snuggle with the baby. Steve reported that the kids had a blast and loved every second of playtime instead of them squeezing around the iPad and watching a movie in a noisy hallway. I loved that they were playing and that they were nearby. I felt a lot less guilty.
After tucking in and kissing C goodnight, I met them in the Ronald McDonald House Family Room for a tour. That place is amazing. When we got to the kitchen I saw a bunch of bananas on the counter which is the food I have been craving for days. They told us we could eat anything and use this room just like an extension of our own home. As soon as we got registered, I went back into the kitchen, grabbed a banana and cried while I ate it. We learned that all the food is donated and I said a sincere, heartfelt prayer gratitude for the person who brought bananas that day. It is what I needed and I decided that once we get through this horrible experience, I want to pay this forward. Who knew a banana would give me my first long-term, goal-oriented thought in weeks.
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