My Mom

It's Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, but my Mom hates it even more than I do, however, since being married and having children I have reflected often on the quiet strength and determination of my Mother. She is amazing. By nature she is a peacemaker and prefers to go unnoticed in the background, yet she has a way of making things happen. So I thought I would share a snapshot of why my Mom is the best.

My Mom was 30 when she married and I was born a year later. I am the oldest of six. She was 42 with the youngest. Life with my Dad was difficult and she tried to make the best of a bad situation. Going on welfare was never an option because she had the education necessary to provide for her children and a deeply personal work ethic. While I was growing up, she worked nights as a nurse on the infectious disease floor because it meant she would be able to earn more money.

As I completed the fourth grade, she decided to homeschool us; in part because she felt she would be able to provide us with a better education and she would also be able to see us more often. I loved being homeschooled and excelled in that setting. As I entered the ninth grade she recognized she was not able to teach math or English at the level I would need so she partnered with other moms and formed a co-op. My Mom taught biology and studied hard to be able to provide the quality that was required. I did not appreciate the sacrifice and gave her a hard time in class, but I am so grateful for her dedication.

My homeschool co-op classmates.

Money was tight, but she wanted me to have a well rounded experience and as she had been a dancer when she was younger, took it upon herself to teach a dance class that would allow me to participate. She also sacrificed for things I really wanted to try such as horseback riding. Turns out it was not my passion, but I had the opportunity to try.

Yes, the horse is trying to get away from me.

Once there was a mother daughter activity where we dressed as clowns and danced to Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah for my peers and their mothers. I dressed conservatively. She took one look at me, told me I was not dressed up enough and transformed me into a goofy clown. I remember being mortified, but once we started dancing my mortification turned to laughter as I watched my normally reserved Mother dance with all her heart.

I never received an allowance, but was expected to work for any money I earned. Never one to give an assignment without providing guidance, my Mom taught me how to make bread and then sold it to her coworkers and to people at church. She showed me how to track my sales and pay tithing to our church. This baking skill proved useful again when we were trying to finance J's adoption and baking bread helped us earn what we needed.

She looked for opportunities to make me feel special and appreciated. There was the time she took me roller skating and held my hand as we skated around the rink only to get our skates tangled and crashed to the ground. We laughed when we couldn't get back up. Or the times she would take me to Burger King for egg and cheese Croissan'wiches. Still my favorite fast food breakfast.

Sometimes she would play the piano after we were in bed for the night and I would fall asleep listening to her. The piano is my favorite instrument because of her. Somehow she also managed to teach me how to sew (though my skills remain rudimentary in comparison). She taught me how to garden and bottle food and I won countless blue ribbons at the fair for canning and cross stitch (yet another skill she taught me).

A few of the outfits my Mom sewed.

My Mom pushed me hard to succeed. She never allowed me to give anything less than my absolute best. She made sure I auditioned for plays and musicals when I did not have the confidence. She felt I would be a good public speaker so she made sure I participated in 4-H and helped me with my speeches. I won third place at State for my presentation on child care, but what I remember most about that experience is not winning, but my Mom telling me I shouldn't have won because I did not do my best. She was right. I had slacked off and I knew I had given a better presentation at the County level. My Mom has always been honest; a trait I've always been grateful for because I never had to wonder if people's compliments were sincere. I just had to ask her and she would tell me the truth.

My County presentation.

A homeschool play. She made the hat and pinafore.

As all good parents should, my Mom made sure I was properly embarrassed. Like the time when I was fourteen and went to my first dance. She was so excited when I was asked to dance that she chased me onto the dance floor snapping pictures. I could have died from humiliation and stared off into space praying for the song to end. Because of her, I fully intend to chase my kids onto the floor during their first dances snapping pictures all the way.

I kept trying to get away, but to no avail.

My Mom wanted us to have more opportunities than were available for us at the time in Tennessee so she decided it was time to move to Utah. With her usual fortitude she set a deadline and we worked to get the house ready to move across the country. She had no job and no place to live, but decided she would figure it out once we got there. With the move she was not able to continue homeschooling us and we moved to Utah one week before my sophomore year of high school. It was a difficult transition for me, but what a blessing it has been and what incredible opportunities and experiences I have had because of that move.
 
When I had my first kiss at seventeen I ran upstairs and jumped on her bed waking her. She was so thrilled she got up immediately and we sat at the kitchen table talking about the awesomeness of my first kiss for an hour even though she had an early morning meeting the next day.

From the time I was very young she always told me I would go to college so that if I had to provide for my family I would have the education and skills required. When I dragged my feet about going to college after high school graduation, she asked around and learned Snow College was a good school. She brought home the application and made me fill it out while fiercely telling me that our intense family dynamics should never stand in the way of my future. She took me to orientation and showed me how to register for classes which set an example that allowed me to get the most out of every semester. It was also her voice in my head when I was trying to decide whether to pursue a Master's Degree. I am so thankful I went for it. Having that additional level of education has proved invaluable.

My Mom even found Steve for me (which is a good story for another day). She has continued to support and encourage us since we married. A few months after we married I realized we hadn't budgeted for tuition and she wrote us a check instantly which we were able to pay back interest free.

After we had been married three years Steve and I found out he had a condition called azoospermia and we would not be able to have biological children. At the time Steve, his Mom, my Mom and I worked in the same building and my Mom had left for meetings for the day. The doctor had just called and I was telling Steve the diagnosis when my Mom rushed into his office. She had felt like something was wrong and she needed to find me. Poor Steve did not know how to react to my hysteria, but my Mom just put her arms around me and let me cry.

Fast forward a few more years and she was instrumental in bringing M home. She made sure we had the money we needed to start our family when I repeatedly dragged my feet because of the astronomical expense of the adoption process. Her contagious excitement at adding to our family through adoption helped us as we transitioned from the hellish depths of infertility to the hope of being parents.

And when we were reviewing fertility options years after our initial diagnosis, she was our biggest supporter and encouraged us every step of the way. The day we found out we were pregnant I called Steve and then my Mom. She knew I was having a blood test in the morning and we expected the results later in the day. So when I called in the early afternoon she assumed I had received bad news. Telling her I was pregnant and laughing and squealing with her for ten minutes brought pure joy.

I could share so many other stories because she is that incredible, but I'm just glad she's my Mom. Is she perfect? No, but neither am I and we've been able to learn and grow together. I would not have wanted anyone else.

I love you, Mom.