Five years ago after being with one adoption agency for two fruitless years we decided to sign on with a different agency. One week after submitting all our paperwork we were told we had been chosen by a birth mom. I was at work and ran out of the building to take the call. I went through a gamut of emotions within seconds. Shock, nervousness, joy, excitement, fear, shock again. I jumped up and down and tried not to scream too loud. The birth mom was due in about five weeks and did not know if she was having a boy or a girl. We spoke four times before M was born and were so amazed by this woman. She was in a difficult situation and knew she could not give her baby everything at that time. She eventually came to the difficult decision to place her baby. After looking at several profiles she chose us.
Steve and I had been married five and a half years and I desperately wanted children and Steve desperately wanted whatever I wanted. Four weeks into our five weeks of waiting put me at the breaking point. My nerves and emotions were raw and I was terrified her birth mother would change her mind and I would be left hopeless and childless. I prepared myself for grief and bitterness all the while hoping for a baby to be placed in my arms to soothe my aching soul.
On Sunday June 10th, Steve and I sat in church just like we did every Sunday surrounded by (literally) hundreds of children. I remember staring at the floor and pleading with Heavenly Father for strength for myself and the birth mom.Was I going to be a Mom? Was I going to lose a baby? If we flew to Illinois, would we have the baby for a few days only to have her change her mind? Would the birth mom be disappointed by us? Could I take anymore sorrow? During this conversation I also told Him I could not wait any longer. I was done.
Heavenly Father heard my prayer. Four hours later, our agency called to tell us our birth mom was in labor and to find a flight to Illinois. Three hours later they called to tell us a healthy baby girl had been born and that our birth mom was doing well. When we heard it was a girl Steve and I screamed. We had wanted a girl. The agency told us they wished they could have recorded our priceless reaction.
We met an incredible woman who made a miraculous sacrifice because she wanted more for her daughter. For the first time I was able to see that adoption is about love. There are so many myths about adoptive parents and birth parents. FACT: most birth parents place their children because they love their children deeply and want to give them everything. A mom and a dad. A house. An education. Time. And they are not able to give them everything at that time. They know that eventually they will have those things, but they want their child to start off with those important gifts. FACT: most adoptive parents are dying to give children a mom and a dad, a house, an education, time, and all the love in the world. Adoption has a bad connotation in our society and that is wrong. Adoption is a sacrifice on both sides and should be recognized as a positive, though heart wrenching experience. I look at M and I see her birth mom. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for her courage and strength. She sacrificed her own emotional well being to give her daughter a different life. She not only changed the course of her and her daughter's life. She changed Steve's and my own as well. And for that I owe her a debt of gratitude.
Fast forward five years...
We are in church on Sunday June 10th. It is M's birthday. The first that has fallen on a Sunday and I am watching her. She is happy and smiling. Her long, black hair in a ponytail. She glances at me and grins. I feel my emotions close to the surface remembering that Sunday five years ago. How desolate and alone I felt staring at the floor pleading for her birth mom to have mercy on me, a woman she had never met before. As I am staring at my beautiful girl I see a hand reach up and tug her hair. J pulls hard and M scowls at him and hisses at him to, "STOP IT!" I almost intervene when I hear a squeal coming from my arms. D has finished his bottle and wants more. I turn him around to pat his back and take in the view of my three children. They are my life. My reason for living. Made possible only by the loving sacrifice of their birth moms.
Steve and I had been married five and a half years and I desperately wanted children and Steve desperately wanted whatever I wanted. Four weeks into our five weeks of waiting put me at the breaking point. My nerves and emotions were raw and I was terrified her birth mother would change her mind and I would be left hopeless and childless. I prepared myself for grief and bitterness all the while hoping for a baby to be placed in my arms to soothe my aching soul.
On Sunday June 10th, Steve and I sat in church just like we did every Sunday surrounded by (literally) hundreds of children. I remember staring at the floor and pleading with Heavenly Father for strength for myself and the birth mom.Was I going to be a Mom? Was I going to lose a baby? If we flew to Illinois, would we have the baby for a few days only to have her change her mind? Would the birth mom be disappointed by us? Could I take anymore sorrow? During this conversation I also told Him I could not wait any longer. I was done.
Heavenly Father heard my prayer. Four hours later, our agency called to tell us our birth mom was in labor and to find a flight to Illinois. Three hours later they called to tell us a healthy baby girl had been born and that our birth mom was doing well. When we heard it was a girl Steve and I screamed. We had wanted a girl. The agency told us they wished they could have recorded our priceless reaction.
We met an incredible woman who made a miraculous sacrifice because she wanted more for her daughter. For the first time I was able to see that adoption is about love. There are so many myths about adoptive parents and birth parents. FACT: most birth parents place their children because they love their children deeply and want to give them everything. A mom and a dad. A house. An education. Time. And they are not able to give them everything at that time. They know that eventually they will have those things, but they want their child to start off with those important gifts. FACT: most adoptive parents are dying to give children a mom and a dad, a house, an education, time, and all the love in the world. Adoption has a bad connotation in our society and that is wrong. Adoption is a sacrifice on both sides and should be recognized as a positive, though heart wrenching experience. I look at M and I see her birth mom. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for her courage and strength. She sacrificed her own emotional well being to give her daughter a different life. She not only changed the course of her and her daughter's life. She changed Steve's and my own as well. And for that I owe her a debt of gratitude.
Fast forward five years...
We are in church on Sunday June 10th. It is M's birthday. The first that has fallen on a Sunday and I am watching her. She is happy and smiling. Her long, black hair in a ponytail. She glances at me and grins. I feel my emotions close to the surface remembering that Sunday five years ago. How desolate and alone I felt staring at the floor pleading for her birth mom to have mercy on me, a woman she had never met before. As I am staring at my beautiful girl I see a hand reach up and tug her hair. J pulls hard and M scowls at him and hisses at him to, "STOP IT!" I almost intervene when I hear a squeal coming from my arms. D has finished his bottle and wants more. I turn him around to pat his back and take in the view of my three children. They are my life. My reason for living. Made possible only by the loving sacrifice of their birth moms.
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