Steve and my brother gave me the 2nd best Mother's Day present ever. They doubled my garden size while I was at work this Saturday. This may not sound grand to a good number of folks out there, but I am already tasting fresh from the garden veggies. Thanks little bro! And thanks Babe for making it happen! What a sweet and thoughtful thing to do.
Lots of people offered condolences about my having to postpone celebrating Mother's Day because I was working. Truthfully, I am so grateful I was at work because I am not a fan of this blessed day. My own mom is amazing and I love and respect her. I sing her praises constantly. I could never have asked for a better mother, but Mother's Day is a reminder that my life, how I pictured it anyway, is not going according to "plan." Steve and I have been married 8 years and I fully expected to be working on child #5 by now. I think we are tested in this life with the things that we hold dear to our hearts. I suppose life would not be a test otherwise. Since all I ever wanted to be in life was a wife and mother of 12 kids (no less) it stands to reason that I would be tested and tried with not being able to biologically have my own. Years of infertility and thoughtless comments from people who were trying to say the right thing have made me hypersensitive to anything related to my perceived failure. Mother's Day falls in that category. We have no control over bringing children into our home and it breaks my heart to hear people talk about motherhood and their experiences simply because I have wanted a full house of children for so long. The kind of sorrow I have experienced does not go away quickly or easily.
But let's pause for a moment and remember that I have been blessed with a gorgeous little girl who is my reason for living. I don't think I would be able to breathe without her. I am forever indebted to her birth mother for placing her with us. I will always love and respect her for giving me my M. Yesterday she sent me a text that said, "Happy Mother's Day!!! Have a wonderful blessed day." Tears welled in my eyes when I read it because my Mother's Day is possible only because of her selfless gift. What is more touching to me is that as my baby nears her 3rd birthday, her birth mom continues her selflessness with such a sweet and genuine message. M is my best gift ever. Having her has made my desire for children even stronger because she is incredible in every way. Being a mom is an indescribable blessing. My hope is that over time my sorrow will heal and I will be able to enjoy Mother's Day with its flowers, fruit loop necklaces, and Primary songs. Maybe rather than looking at my quiver as mostly empty, I should remember quality is better than quantity. Because M is quality all the way.
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